If a child is in immediate danger
Contact the emergency service for your area now — in Canada and the United States, 911. Come back to this page afterwards. Nothing here is more urgent than that.
Something a child said is worrying you.
Take a breath. You do not have to work out what happened. You have to do four things, and none of them requires you to be an investigator.
The four steps
Take it seriously
Do not dismiss concerning communication because the wording is confusing, partial or hard to follow.
Encourage their own words
Use minimal, open invitations. Do not supply names, acts, places or explanations the child has not given you.
Listen without leading
Stay calm. Avoid repeated or suggestive questioning. Your job is not to establish what happened.
Link to protection
Follow the safeguarding and reporting duties that apply where you live, and connect the child to qualified help.
What to say, and what to leave alone
The difference between these two columns is whether the words came from the child or from you. Anything you add — a name, an act, a place, a reason — is yours, not theirs, and a court may one day have to untangle the two.
You can say
- “I'm listening.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “Tell me more about that.”
- “And then what happened?”
- “You're not in trouble.”
- “It's not your fault.”
- “I'm glad you told me.”
- “I'm going to talk to someone whose job is to help keep you safe.”
Avoid saying
- “Did he touch you?” — supplies a person and an act
- “Are you sure that happened?”
- “Why didn't you tell me sooner?”
- “Let's keep this between us.”
- “I won't tell anyone.” — a promise you cannot keep
- “He'd never do that.”
- “This will tear the family apart.”
- Asking the same question again until the answer changes
Why not to interrogate
It feels like the responsible thing. It is not. Repeated and suggestive questioning can change what a child believes they remember, can frighten a child into silence, and can compromise a later investigation by a trained professional — which means the person who hurt the child is more likely to walk away, not less.
Trained forensic interviewers use specific, tested methods precisely because ordinary well-meaning questioning is unreliable. Your job is to be the adult who listened and acted, not the adult who established the facts.
- Ask as little as possible. Open invitations only.
- Do not confront the person the child may be describing.
- Do not gather 'evidence' or search a child's room, phone or belongings.
- Do not ask the child to repeat the account for another adult.
- Do not record the child without advice — but do write down what you heard.
Write down the child's exact words
As soon as you can, and before you discuss it with anyone, write down what was said using the child's own words — not your summary of them, and not your interpretation.
- Date and time, as precisely as you can.
- Where you were, and who else was present.
- What the child said, in quotation marks, in their words. If you are unsure of the exact wording, write that you are unsure.
- What you said back, also in quotation marks.
- Anything you observed. Keep observation separate from what you think it meant.
- What you did next, and who you contacted.
Keep your interpretation in a separate paragraph, clearly labelled as your interpretation. The single most useful thing a first adult can hand to a professional is an unmixed record.
Find the right next step where you live
Reporting duties and the agency you contact depend on where the child is. Choose a place and we will show you the official routes we have checked.
This changes which official services we show you. We do not store your answer or send it anywhere.
What this page is not
- Not a forensic interviewing protocol. Nothing here trains you to establish what happened.
- Not legal advice. Reporting duties vary by jurisdiction and change over time.
- Not a diagnostic tool. No single phrase or behaviour proves sexual abuse. Concerning communication should prompt calm attention, protection and appropriate professional guidance — not amateur conclusions.
- Not an emergency service. We do not monitor this site and cannot respond to a crisis.